Universal Horror Nights Menu Asks the Important Question: Would You Like Fries With Your Terror?

Twenty-two-inch hot dogs, Gut Wounds, Bloodbath Brisket Fries and Death by Cheese Stick arrive as Universal Studios prepares to scare — and apparently feed — Southern California.

LCCN Staff Report

Juke Juice, Pick Poor Robin Clean and Pecan and Whiskey Bread Pudding.

UNIVERSAL CITY — Nothing works up an appetite quite like paying good money to have a chainsaw-wielding maniac chase you through the darkness.

Fortunately, Universal Studios Hollywood has thought this through.

With Halloween Horror Nights returning Sept. 3, Universal has unveiled this year’s food and drink menu, apparently determined to prove that nothing stimulates the appetite quite like naming dinner after a traumatic injury.

And apparently nothing says terror quite like a 22-inch hot dog.

Yes. Twenty-two inches.

The appropriately named Battle Bus Dog is an all-beef hot dog covered with nacho cheese sauce, coleslaw, Sriracha aioli, banana peppers and crushed Hot Cheetos.

It is unclear whether guests are supposed to eat it or use it to defend themselves inside the haunted houses.

Either way, bring a friend. Possibly two.

The culinary madness is the work of Universal Studios Hollywood Executive Chef Julia Thrash and her team, who created an enormous menu inspired by this year’s haunted houses and attractions.

Nothing Says Halloween Like Death by Cheese Stick

Over at Clown Cafe — because apparently eating at a restaurant called Clown Cafe during Halloween Horror Nights isn’t sufficiently concerning — guests can order Death by Cheese Stick, a giant fried mozzarella stick coated in crushed Ruffles and served with spicy marinara.

There are also Bloodbath Brisket Fries, featuring fries topped with brisket, BBQ sauce, jalapeño ranch, crispy onions and green onions.

Dessert? Naturally, Gut Wound. That’s a chocolate raspberry croissant pull-apart.

There is probably no other restaurant in America where saying, “I’ll have the Gut Wound, please,” results in the waiter bringing you pastry instead of calling 911.

Ozzy Has Entered the Kitchen

Ultimate Sin-amon and Bark at the Naan.

Ozzy’s Bar may have the greatest collection of menu names in the park.

There’s Bark at the Naan, a naan taco filled with chicken tikka masala, cabbage, pineapple and lime crema. There’s the Crazy Train Chickpea Curry Burrito. There’s I Just Want You… & Tacos, which combines Fritos, black garlic BBQ brisket, red onion, coleslaw and cilantro.

And then there’s The Prince of Darkness Cake — carrot cake with cream cheese mousse, black ganache, chocolate mousse and a chocolate bat. Apparently darkness tastes like carrot cake. Who knew?

Adults looking for something stronger can order a Bark at the Moon Mule, Ultimate Sin-amon or Blizzard of Ozz-arita. After two of those, the haunted houses may become significantly less frightening and substantially more difficult to navigate.

Please Pick Poor Robin Clean

The “Sinners” menu continues Universal’s determination to make ordering dinner sound like evidence in a criminal investigation.

Remmick’s Burnt Ends are served in black garlic whiskey BBQ sauce with jalapeño cornbread. Chicken wings are called “Pick Poor Robin Clean.” And dessert is Pecan and Whiskey Bread Pudding.

Frankly, after eating something called Pick Poor Robin Clean, you’re going to need the whiskey.

There Is Also Something Called Skin & Chips

Skin & Chips Nachos.

At Killer Snacks, visitors can order Skin & Chips Nachos — spicy pork rinds covered in nacho cheese sauce and beef jerky.

For dessert, there’s Open the Box, sour donut bites filled with blue raspberry filling.

Meanwhile, Evil Dead Burn offers Severed & Smoked Chicken, a smoked chicken quarter with Sichuan chili crisp.

Severed & Smoked Chicken.

We have reached the rare point in American dining where “Severed & Smoked Chicken” might actually be one of the more straightforward descriptions on the menu.

The Simpsons Aren’t Helping

Surfer Boy Pizza and Hellfire Club Spicy Italian Sandwich.

Springfield’s Treehouse of Horror menu contributes Worst.Brat.Ever!, a bratwurst in a pretzel roll with Duff cheese sauce and sauerkraut.

There’s also Road Scrapin’s — French fries covered with country gravy, cheese, fried chicken and crispy onions.

Road Scrapin’s. Just sit with that for a moment.

Dessert includes the Mmm…Forbidden Pumpkin Donut, while caffeine seekers can order a Pumpkin Spice Cold Boo. Because apparently even unspeakable evil cannot stop pumpkin spice season.

Hello Kitty Meets Chucky, Because Of Course She Does

Zero Point Pretzel.

Perhaps the most psychologically confusing item is the Hello Kitty Chucky Strawberry Cheesecake Sundae.

It combines strawberry-swirled vanilla soft serve, strawberry topping, cheesecake pieces and a chocolate bow.

That’s Hello Kitty. And Chucky. Together. In a sundae. Civilization had a good run.

You Can Buy a Dining Pass Because Apparently You’re Going Back for More

Universal is also bringing back its Halloween Horror Nights Dining Pass, which includes two eligible entrée items and four eligible sides, snacks, desserts or beverages at participating locations.

Considering one of the entrées is nearly two feet long, six items seems ambitious.

Guests can also buy Halloween Horror Nights merchandise inspired by attractions and characters, including Art the Clown apparel, Killer Klownz from Outer Space merchandise, Stranger Things gear, Hellraiser items and Ozzy Osbourne-themed clothing and drinkware.

Halloween Horror Nights runs on select nights from Sept. 3 through Nov. 1 at Universal Studios Hollywood.

Visitors have numerous ticket options, including General Admission, Universal Express, R.I.P. Tour and various passes for people who apparently survive the first visit and decide they would like to be terrorized repeatedly.

So come hungry. Run from monsters. Eat a 22-inch hot dog. Order a Gut Wound for dessert.

And remember: if a homicidal clown starts chasing you after you’ve consumed Bloodbath Brisket Fries, Death by Cheese Stick and a Prince of Darkness Cake, the clown may no longer be your most immediate problem.

A variety of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Hollywood ticket options include General Admission, Universal Express Ticket, R.I.P. Tour, Day/Night Ticket, After 2 P.M. Day/Night Ticket and Early Access Ticket (which provides entry to select haunted houses beginning at 5:30 p.m., subject to change). Also, the popular Frequent Fear Pass and Ultimate Fear Pass allow guests to experience scares again and again throughout the season. Click here to purchase tickets and for Terms and Conditions.

For more information, Terms and Conditions, and to purchase tickets, visit UniversalStudiosHollywood.com.